Luke 22:42

In the past few days, this verse hasn't been able to escape my mind. 

"Not my will, but Yours be done"- Luke 22:42

I just returned from Europe for two weeks and God taught me a lot while I was there.  One thing He showed me was that no matter where I am geographically my heart issues are still going to be present.  I can live in my flesh in Baltimore or Cyprus, it doesn't matter.  I was shocked because I thought, "oh I am going to Europe so everything in my life will be wonderful. I won't be tired, sad or even mad because I am in Europe so there will be no problems.  I won't feel anything that hurts me in Baltimore or even be upset over things because I'm going to be near the Meditteranean Sea and I'm going on a missions trip so I will have my stuff together!" hahah I laugh thinking back on it because it was nothing like that.  Don't get me wrong I had an amazing trip! The messages were amazing, I visited lots of beautiful places, met a lot of new people and spent time with old friends, but I still had issues in my own heart.  I was miserable some days because I was living in things that God was trying to set me free from. I didn't tell anyone I was with because I didn't want to ruin the great times but I think that is why it made such an impact.  

This caused me to run to God.  I usually try to avoid that most times because lets be honest, it hurts. He wants to rip the ugly things out of my soul and it hurts!  I had to let go of my own will! My strong, over opinionated, manipulative human will that was fighting so hard against the compassionate and loving God who knows what is best for me.

"Not my will, but Yours be done."

I will never know what all God did during my two weeks away but I know He is healing me.  Healing me from my past hurts, my fears, my doubts, healing me from myself. It is His will for me to be perfect in Him and until that happens I want my will to give up to His.  I want His will, His plan, and His purpose to be what controls my life. 

"Not my will, but Yours be done."

I want to be like Christ was in Luke 22.  During the hurt, the confusion, and the pain, I want to say "Not my will Lord, but Yours be done."  Christ took the pain so we could be saved.  By His wounds we are healed.